Lately, God and I have become much closer, and I'm super excited about it. 2015 was a rough year, and Fall of 2015 was specifically tough. It drew a wedge between God and me because I knew He was there, but such darkness was around me that all I could do was cry out to Him and hope that He would respond and give me peace. Some days were better than others. But God has been teaching me a lot lately, specifically this past weekend. I'm going to try to tell you all I can, but it is hard to put most of it in words. In the Fall, the president of Renown, the organization I was Vice President for, transferred the presidency over to me. As I was grateful and excited about the future, I was not entirely sure that I could lead an organization. I am not the best at having confidence when it comes to myself. Unless I get competitive, then I get overly confident...but that's for a different post. In general, I'm not very confident when it comes to my abilities that involve others looking in from the outside if that makes sense. But I took on this role because it seemed right. I've been a part of Renown since its very first meeting my freshman year and am the only one left that has been there since the start. So it seemed fit. With being the head of an organization, it comes with many aspects you don't always think of. One being, leading the way to put together the Conference that Renown started last year. My team has faced some challenges with losing leaders, but the ones who stayed are passionate and want to see Renown excel and grow. The four of us sat down in January and decided whether or not we actually wanted to put this conference on - since it would happen in three months. When yes was decided, we started planning and planning and contacting and planning. We had goals of when we wanted different areas to be finished by and everything to be done by. I would be lying if I said we met all of our goals. But that is the first thing God was teaching me through this process: trust His timing. I have struggled with God's timing my entire life. I'm not going to lie, I'm still struggling with it in different aspects of my life. But with planning this conference, and things not coming together, it brings me to the second thing God has taught me: pray about everything, pray expectantly, pray specifically, pray big, and pray in thanksgiving. Because things were not working out as my team and wonderful volunteers have planned, we had to go to God about every little, tiny thing. Which may sound weird to non-believers and normal to believers, but there would be times that I would be praying that I would get a contract done or get a phone call from someone the next day, or even that He would provide a space for the event. He wants us to talk to Him - and not just talk to Him, but to build a relationship with Him so that you can have those conversations that seem petty that you have with your friends with Him. He doesn't think they're petty. He wants you to not just pray for the conference that is going to happen, He wants you to pray about the details. He wants you to not put Him in a box and allow Him to leave you in awe. But not only that, He wants you to thank Him for what you haven't seen Him do yet. But, you see, talking is the easy part, its the other part that has been extremely hard for me, especially this past year. This is the third thing God has taught me, or I guess, re-taught me: listen for His voice. More often than not, it's not an audible voice. It's what you feel inside and you confuse it with your conscious. But you'll learn to recognize His voice. It's hard, and you may not hear it for a long time like me, but pray that you will hear Him again. Ask others to pray for you to hear Him again. I finally heard Him again and it was the most refreshing thing in a really long time. But usually, it's not until we quiet and humble ourselves - against our nature - that we can hear Him speaking to us. The last thing that God constantly had to remind me about during this weekend was: things will work out how God wants them to according to His plan, NOT yours. So many times God had to remind me of that this past weekend during the conference. "Why aren't there many people here, God? Should we wait a few for minutes and see if more people come, God?" The people who I want to be here will be here. "But God, we thought that more people would stay for the next portion." The people I want there will be there. "But God, this isn't how we had planned it to go." This is my conference, and I have here who I want here, and it is going how I want it to go. <-- That is the abridged version of conversations between God and me this weekend. This world is His, remember, we just get the privilege of living in it. I can't help but to think that Esther might have gone through some similar trials. She was the chosen woman to marry the man who ruled about half of the world at that point in history. Her family, her whole people were in danger, and she was the only one who could do something about it - but was not confident she could do it. However, she pressed on anyways because she knew it was the right thing to do. Because for some reason, God had put her in the position He did because He knew what He was doing. She prayed and fasted before the Lord and had others do so as well, she delayed telling the King until the correct time, but most importantly, she listened and took courage and went before the King. It was a life or death situation.
Perhaps you feel like you're where Esther was when she walked into the King's presence, not knowing if what you're about to do is going to save you or kill you but you took that leap of faith. It's the scariest moment of your life, but the most rewarding. Just remember, even though it's tough sometimes, trust His timing in every area of your life, pray about everything that's going on in your life and build that relationship with God, know that everything is going according to His plan, and most importantly, don't forget to listen to Him. For This Time, Cambria
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AuthorI'm a die-hard Sixers and Eagles phan, a writer, a teacher, and a dreamer. Archives
December 2017
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